


Easy Does It

by ImperialRemnant



Series: Shenanigans of the Force Kind [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Drunkenness, Gen, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 08:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5241956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialRemnant/pseuds/ImperialRemnant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux comes back to base completely smashed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy Does It

**Author's Note:**

> Any grammar errors, tense issues etc are my fault. Not too happy with this one but it's not very long anyway.

Phasma went looking for Hux, but instead found Kylo cleaning up some mess in his chambers.

“Doesn’t the General have cleaners?” Phasma asked from the door way.

Kylo hadn’t noticed her enter at first, which was odd. But he looked up when she spoke, “It’s my fault.” He went back to cleaning. He had taken his scarf and hood off, gathering the small grains into it- whatever they were.

“What did you do this time?” Phasma asked, wondering if she had enough humility to help him. She didn’t.

Kylo gestured to a machine emitting off sparks, “I broke it. I thought I could fix everything with this.”

“What the bloody banthas are you on about?” Phasma asked him.

“I thought I’d bring him a peace offering,” Kylo was actually sounding frustrated, “I thought I could make him like me. It didn’t work, I wrecked it. Like I always wreck everything. I got the rice everywhere, it went into the machine. Water spilt onto it.”

Phasma leaned forward to take a closer look at what he was picking up. Rice. She didn’t know whether to laugh or pity the man for thinking something so useless could fix anything. “You thought you could fix everything with rice?”

Kylo said nothing.

Phasma still contemplated whether she should help him. Seeing him on the floor, picking up rice was just...sad. She turned to leave, but somebody crashed into her, and she looked down to see the ginger hair of General Hux.

“General,” She greeted, a little surprised. Something was very wrong with the General, as he couldn’t keep himself straight. Phasma had to grab hold of him so he didn’t fall over. His next words were slurred, but could just be made out, “Are ya’ guy’s doin’ anything?”

“I’m cleaning,” Kylo had stopped picking up the rice though, looking up, his head tilting like he was figuring out what was wrong with the general.

 “Sir, are you drunk?” Phasma asked.

“We should totes hang out or somethang,” Hux said, ignoring Phasma, “Go on a picnic. Hey, hey Ky, wanna go on a picnic?”

“I  _do_  like picnics General,” Kylo said.

“Don’t indulge him,” Phasma snapped to Kylo, then to Hux, “Sir, perhaps you should go to medbay.”

“You’re invited too, Phasy,” Hux put his finger up to her helmet, just where her nose was, and said, “Boop!” He passed out. Phasma still held onto him so he wouldn’t fall to the ground.

“Maybe we should get him to his bed,” Kylo stood up.

“Good idea,” Phasma said, wondering why Hux had decided to go and get drunk at this time in the morning. Perhaps it was night on the colony he had visited. Still. Many of the other higher ups won’t be happy.

So Kylo and Phasma picked him up, Phasma from under his arms, Kylo took his legs.

“Oh crap,” Phasma said, accidentally letting Hux slip and his side hitting the door frame.

“He’s heavier than he looks,” Kylo complained, moving across the floor, careful of the rice. They got to the other end of the room where there was another room. Kylo tried to kick the controller to open the door, only to miss. His foot went through the wall instead.

“Woops, hang on,” Kylo tried again, and missed.

“For fucks sake, Kylo,” Phasma said, ready to place Hux down to open it herself. But third time’s the charm, Kylo hit the panel and the door slid open. Phasma took a step forward, but slipped on a few grains of rice. Hux’s head hit the floor with a loud THUD.

“That’s not good,” Kylo said, “What if he gets brain damage?”

“Then Force help us,” Phasma got back to her feet and picked Hux up again. “We’ve already got  _you_  to deal with.”

Kylo didn’t reply to that either. Neither of them spoke again until they managed to get Hux onto his bed. After they put him down, Kylo moved away and accidentally bumped into his bedside table, which had a glass of water on it and it fell onto General Hux, spilling all over him.

Hux sat up immediately, Kylo yelling out, “WHY DO YOU HAVE GLASSES OF WATER EVERYWHERE!?”

Hux didn’t reply, instead leaning to the side and vomiting everywhere, Kylo and Phasma both running back just in time not to be splattered by his puke. Hux fell back against his bed again, and both of them heard a loud snore from him.

“I’ll contact a cleaning droid,” Kylo said.

“Good plan,” Phasma said, “I’ll inform command that the mission may need to be delayed.”

They both left to do just that.  

* * *

 Command had not been happy. The cleaning droid had been indifferent (then again that was its job). Then Kylo and Phasma went to do some investigating, Phasma having overheard from some troopers about Hux going in to order some new shipments. Whatever he had done in his drunken state, it could not have been good. They looked through Hux’s files, Kylo having obtained the password to his account.

“Here, look,” Kylo pointed at a section on a list of recent orderings the First Order had made.

“A collection of tutus, a rancor, a gundark, and one million grains of rice?” Phasma read it out loud. “For fucks sake, you rubbed off on drunk him!”

“Yes, it’s very awful,” Kylo sounded happy.

“We need to cancel these orders,” Phasma said.

“Force no!” Kylo told her, “I’ll fix it up.” He started typing something, explaining to her what he was doing, “I’ll change the route of the transport ship. A location the Resistance is very familiar with. They’ll have a lovely present.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but that is a brilliant plan,” Phasma imagined the Resistance opening the container with the rancor and everyone trying to run away as it grabbed them and ripped their heads off.

Kylo shrugged, “The least I can do.”

“You know, I was going to ask if  _you_  were drunk. You’re being quite sensible,” Phasma told him.

“I can be sensible sometimes,” Kylo sounded offended, “Should probably get a medical droid to check Hux.”

Phasma nodded in agreement, “I’ll do that.”

“Alright. I guess I should contact Snoke. I still need to tell him about the broken machine, and I can mention the cancelled mission,” Kylo pushed his chair back, standing up.

“Sure you’ll be okay?” Phasma asked him.

Kylo waved his hand, dismissive, “Snoke’s awesome. He’ll be chill about it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Review or leave a kudos! <3 :D


End file.
